Themeattics

Every second our collective heart breaks / All together every single head shakes / Shut your eyes but it won’t go away / Turn on / Turn off / The news

Paramore, “This is Why”. The News.

I was raised in a very opinionated family. Politics, religion, you name it and there was (and is) a way to it. That was, of course, very formative for me. Only natural, we take on the aspects of our home. As part of that formation, I brought that opinionated nature with me to my adulthood and maintain it through today – obviously, or I wouldn’t be on here spouting my two-cent philosophies every week. Despite what some may think of that kind of upbringing, I’ll always be grateful to my parents for providing me the foundation to know that what I believe matters. That it has purpose.

Despite all that, I’m not here to argue for burying yourself in activism. Quite the opposite, in fact. The modern age is on a perpetual hunt for those with convictions since, it seems, we’re the ones more easily able to be exploited. Or, at least the ones more willing to do something when the clarion call sounds. Everywhere you look is a new cause, a new rallying cry for this group or that idea. The news picks and chooses whatever will make you the most angry and drive the current narrative, pumping us full of the drive to get out there and do something about the Current Thing. Five minutes later, that’s down the memory hole and we’re onto the next Current Thing to get us going. The next Two Minutes Hate.

As I’ve grown older I’ve come to accept that my life, and the world, is what it is. My time and influence are finite, and my attention can only go to so many places. Finding out what those places are and directing my energy there has been a Godsend. More time with the family and friends, more time producing some creative works and scratching my competitive itch. Wonderful, all around.

Still, it isn’t easy. You sort of have to keep your head down to avoid looking at the world in the eye. Lift it up for a second and there’s some cyberpunk dystopian neon sign set there specifically to outrage you and derail your drive. This storm of anger is always there, always raging, and we have to take active measures against it. Shore up the windows, build a covered walkway, etc. As the continually wise Andrew Klavan likes to say, anger is the Devil’s cocaine. It hits hard, makes you feel some kind of righteous. One hit is never enough. There’s something in our physiology that loves feeling above other people and anger’s a great way to get a taste.

What I’ve opted to do, more or less, is just check out. I have my beliefs. I know myself. I can tune in every couple of weeks to see if anything important has gone on, but as far as the rest of it is concerned – what good would it do to be tapped in all the time? What am I going to do about some crime across the country that paints the narrative the establishment wants to paint? Or some conflict across the world or between parties that has no direct bearing on my life? If it’s local, I’ll care. If I can get involved, I’ll try to. Otherwise, I’ve got a family to raise. To protect, to instill values in. To get ready for the world they’re entering into. That’s a full time job on its own, and one far more important than what I’m being sold from outside.

Unplug.

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Huh, would you look at that. Found a shortcut for the “dividing line” up there. Neat.

Anyway, God’s honest truth here I’m getting pretty tired of this Lego hunt. It’s so very time consuming. There’s so much I’d rather be doing. Yet, with the upstairs den absolutely littered at this point there’s not much reason to turn back. Sunk cost fallacies abound, but whatever. I’ll just complain about it again when a new one shows up next week.

A proud man is always looking down on things and people; and, of course, as long as you are looking down, you cannot see something that is above you.

C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

I’m at a bit of a crossroads here, Dwellers. Maye you can help me out.

75 Hard has, of course, come to an end. I’ve been enjoying the extra time in my day, taking care of some house things, and doing a little bit extra with the family. It’s been nice. All well and good, nothing to see here, moving on.

This couple of weeks was to be, as the title of the post suggests, the time between that end and starting up Exodus 90. But, here I am a week out and most certainly getting cold feet.

There are a couple of pre-Exodus things to do in order to really participate. I haven’t done any. No fraternity to enter with being the main one, as it’s one of the cruxes of the whole experience. You need to join one so that you have the weekly brotherly get-together and daily check ins / accountability. Very important.

And, again, to be honest with you all, it’s not because I’ve been on the hunt and can’t find one. I haven’t tried. Every time I think about doing it, the only things that really jump out at me are the reasons not to. All the excuses. They sound like good excuses to me – and to some extent they are – but I don’t know what to do about it. I don’t know if I toss those excuses out and run with this, or try my hand at modifying the plan to better fit my lifestyle (Which sort of defeats the point, no?), or just… not really bother.

For those that don’t remember, Exodus 90 has the following requirements:

• Set aside an hour a day for prayer.
• Take short, cold showers.
• Practice regular, intense exercise.
• Get a full night’s sleep (at least seven hours is recommended).
• Abstain from alcohol.
• Abstain from desserts and sweets.
• Abstain from eating between meals.
• Abstain from soda or sweet drinks (white milk, black coffee, and black tea are permissible).
• Abstain from television, movies, or televised sports.
• Abstain from video games.
• Abstain from non-essential material purchases.
• Only listen to music that lifts the soul to God.
• Only use the computer for work, school, or essential tasks (e.g., paying bills).
• Only use mobile devices for essential communications; cut out non-essential texting, app, and internet use.
• Take Wednesdays and Fridays as days of fasting. (Abstain from meat and only eat one full meal, as well as two smaller meals that together are not equal to a full meal).
• Attend Weekly Fraternity Meetings.
• Check-in with your Anchor daily.

“Dang, that’s quite the list” you might say. Yeah, it really is. And most of it, in the end, is fine. Taxing, yes. Difficult, sure. But, in the end, perfectly doable with some adjustments to life and it all goes toward a goal that I’m all about. Except.

There are three things on this list that were… let’s say prickly before, and I fear they’re worse this time around. So, I want to cover them with you and get your input. Am I being right minded in my wariness about this second Exodus run, or am I trying to make excuses just to get out of doing the hard things that will help refocus me?

First, the no tv/movies. Now, full disclosure, I pretty rarely watch anything on my own time. My personal time is shored up elsewhere – don’t worry, we’ll get to that soon enough – but this is one of the main things I do as just relaxed home time with the family. Stephanie and I have some things we’ll watch together, and I have some shows that I watch an episode of every evening with the kids around dinner. It’s not that this can’t be replaced – I know they’d like it if, say, I read to them instead – but hard stopping the thing that they look forward to for three months isn’t my favorite idea.

Second, only using mobile devices for essential communication. One of my… struggles with Exodus 90 is that, while the rules are pretty straight forward, there’s always room to wiggle and I’m not sure if I’m violating the spirit of the rules in doing so. What is “essential” communication? I basically ONLY talk to my friends via chats. Is that “essential?” I mean, technically not I guess? Is the writer’s Discord that I’m a part of “essential?” It’s how I’m getting my writing reviewed and how we’re figuring out what publications we’re submitting to, but most of the chat there is off-topic. So, what’s the line before I’m not really sticking to that at all?

Last, and likely worst, is the abstaining from video games. That IS my spare time. And, my personal time aside, it’s another thing I do with the kids that they really love. I’ve said before in several posts how much competition drives me and my newfound love of fighting games and the need / joy of continuing to improve there has been just generally a great time in my life. Hell, I’ve even started entering tournaments and such where I can sneak in the time. However, all that takes a back seat to one main issue. The friend I did 75 Hard alongside is my training partner on these, and he’s also VERY into this competition / improvement setup, and I’m not sure what just… disappearing for 3 months will do to that for him. Worse, he’s looking to move across the country sometime this year and, well, I’m not real keen on how the numbers shake out here.

I know that this discomfort and trouble is part of the design. It’s called Exodus, after all, that’s sort of the point. It’s a time of purification, of re-focusing, of orienting toward God and shedding reliance on a lot of these worldly things. I just… I dunno. I’ve got my qualms, I guess.

What do you think?

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This here is cheating, but I’m allowing it. If the goal is to have a plan done a week so as to have all the plans fully accounted for, a new build counts too. Even if I didn’t do it. That’s my claim and I’m sticking to it. Fight me.