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The Official Website of Tom Keaten

A man should hear a little music, read a little poetry, and see a fine picture every day of his life, in order that worldly cares may not obliterate the sense of the beautiful which God has implanted in the human soul.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Thanks for coming to take a look at this here post. I appreciate that. Now stop. Put the phone down or turn away from the computer, and take a look around you. A real look. A nice, long one. Tell me what you see.

I’m in my living room. There are a few scattered Halloween decorations – most notably a very nice Department 56 town passed down from my mom that we’ve got on the mantle over the fireplace and a big themed garden gnome (my wife’s current obsession). The floor is covered with a smattering of dog toys and school items that were tossed off by gleeful kids after getting home for the weekend. TV trays are out, one holding some random knick-knacks me writing on the other. Tissues and toilet paper from the latest Costco trip that hasn’t been stored up yet. My daughter is in the kitchen getting herself a bowl of cereal. Water bottles and tupperware are leaned up on one another to dry from my recent run of the dishwasher. The low hum of the dryer provides an underlying white noise while I listen to Poppy’s Choke album.

There’s more, of course. I could go on for paragraphs – pages – and only give a modicum of what’s really here, happening in this moment. All the mundane things we gloss over, the things we want to ignore or, through time and habit, have simply learned to get used to. It’s understandable, of course. If we were truly in the moment every moment of our lives, we’d never get anywhere or do anything. Yet, we end up doing the opposite. In our rush to be everywhere and do everything, we lose sight of our surroundings, and those surroundings are meaningful.

Do me a favor. I know I don’t have my whole 30-Day Project thing set up (I covered why here), but bear with me here. One more quick thought experiment. Think about your day – where do you spend the most time? Where do you go to decompress or be productive? It doesn’t have to be your work, but maybe it can be. When you’re in that place, are you gaining the most you could be from it? Would it be better if you added a bit more beauty to it?

Again, using me for an example. I hate mess. I’m generally a neat, orderly person by nature. All the stuff I mentioned above drives me a little nutty, even while I’m here clacking away. That’s why there’s a dryer running and drying dishes in the first place – I couldn’t focus on getting this article done while there was still so much to do around me.

But that’s besides the point. What is my place? Well, it used to be the office, but I’ve ceded that ground to my kids. They spend more time in there than I do now, and with my computer being something like nine years old, the keyboard is misfiring and I think it’s developing a personal grudge against me. It’s often too loud out here in the living room, so recently I’ve been doing the vast majority of my writing in my bedroom.

Is that really where I want to be, though? Eh, probably not. That’s why I’ve moved around so much when I can. I write out here, in the office, at the island in the kitchen, in the dining room – nothing’s really stuck for me as “the place,” which, while great for keeping me out of a pigeon hole, means I haven’t really figured out the place that I’m talking about us finding.

I’ve been thinking about it since I brought up the suggestion. Really thinking, actually. Just kind of sitting here staring off into space (certainly not at the mess which I’m going to get to work on after this) and wondering what that idealized space would be.

For me, beauty comes in a few forms. I’ve talked about the beauty of effort before, but there’s also a beauty in form and function. I’m a music junkie. I don’t want to need headphones, so a place I can close the door to not bother others or corrupt the yoots is ideal. I love art, so a place to hang some would be great. Already, I’m leaning to an underutilized room in the house. Once I get a few minutes between writing for the contract and editing my novel, I’m going to go take a few steps around and see if that might just be the place.

A small table. Masterfully done art on the walls. Maybe a way to run my music through better speakers. I might even try to get my hands on some nerd things I’ve been eyeing for a while. Yeah, I’d feel at home in that. Keyed in. I could flip my brain into creative mode there.

Try the same. Bring beauty into your shelters. Give yourself more of a reason to smell the roses. Appreciate the gift of life you’ve been given. Of anything, we could all use a little more of that in our lives.

When a lot of remedies are suggested for a disease, that means it cannot be cured.

Anton Chekhov

Mandated vaccinations. Tax brackets. Censorship of ideas. Definitions of words. Spending policy.

These are the things we argue about nowadays. Now, despite the title, I’m not going to argue these things are pointless. That’s obviously untrue, they directly affect our lives in observable ways, which is why they’re so easy to use to get under people’s skin. And, if I’m being honest, even these things are too high-level. To get into the real red meat we’d need to go even more granular. COVID vaccine mandates, “Fair Share” taxation, whether tech companies can determine what is said on their platform, etc. The more specific, the easier it is to take a stand and plant your flag. By the same coin, the easier it is for outside groups to get us motivated and at one another’s throats.

It’s easier still due to the fact that we have such an enormously powerful central government. When the opinion of a person in rural Wyoming (but I repeat myself) has a direct effect on the life of a person in Manhattan, and vice versa, it’s easy to understand why we get so up-in-arms. These two people likely have significantly different lives. Different goals, different ideas of what determines a “proper” life. Trying to govern all of them under the exact same rule is a fool’s errand, which was the whole idea at the start of the United States. This place is too big to govern under one rule, let the states be their own governments with something limited up top to keep them safe and able to do as they please.

Now, obviously, we ran into some issues – that tends to happen when people don’t view others as people – but I’m not getting into that here. All I’m saying is, when the people who represent you live with you, they tend to understand what they represent. As the power of the central government grew and it began to creep into all aspects of our lives, “local” issues began to fade away. Who knows who sits on their local school board? Who understands what their mayor is doing? What does your city spend money on? Nobody cares about that when Washington can use an agency or decree to shutter your business.

A side effect of this growth is obvious – government has become a job. A well-paying job, at that. People make millions by calling the “other side” the enemy, then sitting around doing next to nothing but plotting how they keep their job. Oftentimes that’s by doing nothing, but I don’t really need to get into that. That’s not the point of this post.

What is, is this: all these things we argue about, the things they use to keep us hating one another, are nothing but symptoms. They’re the “easy” things, the parts we can use as weapons on one another to argue about endlessly, moving from one to another at such a rapid pace we don’t notice we’re missing the point entirely. Trump stole the election because he’s a Russian asset. Now he’s a facist. Now he’s not doing enough from the federal government to stop a virus spread. Now he hates everyone that doesn’t look like him. Now Biden stole the election. Now his son is taking bribes. Now he’s using a vaccine to control the population. Look, over there! Squirrel!

What the hell are we actually arguing about? It’s not vaccines. It’s not censorship. Take a step back and look at what modern political discourse has in common. Then take another step back and look again. And again. Keep going. There’s a lot of distance to cover to get at the root of all this. Yep. Keep going, I’ll wait.

I’ll admit, it’s taken me a while to get here. I think I’ve brought this up before, but I really think I’ve come to find the base of this all, and I’d love to hear from you guys if you disagree. I think, in the end, this all boils down to our take on the human condition.

On one end there are people who believe society defines humanity’s nature and that, with enough time and direction, the perfect people can be forged. People devoid of hate, of prejudice, of anger and distrust. As such, it is the responsibility of those elite who have moved farther along this path to oversee the system and help get the rest of us get to that same position on the path so that we can make the next step.

On the other end are people like myself, who believe that mankind exists in a fallen state and can never be perfected. We view all people, individually, as fundamentally flawed and therefore understand that they cannot guide us along a path toward perfection, no matter how hard they try. That isn’t to say we shouldn’t – and don’t – try to better ourselves, to reach for that idea of perfection, but we understand it cannot be obtained.

Take those two ideas and look at the all fringe squabbles we’re having now. Trace back every one and you’ll see where the other side is coming from. I felt pretty good about this one for about five seconds until I found the next question. The one I still don’t have an answer for.

How can those two groups be governed by the same system?

Success is about handling the setbacks, problems and mess, over and over.

Sharon Pearson

Pictured above: Pain.

And, no, not just because I’m out of town and don’t have access to anything to make it less ugly. Because of the obvious part – the fact that you could look back to the first entry and see how this is basically just that one shoved into a vise.

Now, a rational human being – you, probably – would look at this and say, hey Tom, I think you’re kinda screwed. You’ve got thirty days to deliver an unknown yet ludicrous number of words just to prepare for NaNoWriMo, where you’ll again have thirty days to deliver a known yet ludicrous number of words.

Well, joke’s on you, I’m an idiot and entirely undeterred. Thirty thousand words for the contract? Another several thousand for plotting out the NaNoWriMo book? A few more thousand in articles? Editing more than seventy thousand to get ready for beta reading? Suit up, ladies and gets, things are about to get messy.

Now, to be fair, the header image is going to be a little outdated. Obviously, with this article I’ll have that checked off and for the purpose of this thing my weeks end on Sunday since that marks the last day of the month. So I still have some time to check things off this week, and I fully intend to. Article, site work, at least 1 chapter of the edit, and half of the contract stuff if not more. Not the highest marks, but passable. Not burying the hatchet in the plans, at least.

For the fun of it, I’ve decided to track “Words Touched” this month. Since I can’t measure everything based on written due to the edit, I’m curious how much I end up consuming / producing over these thirty one days. Doesn’t really matter in the grand scheme of things, but it’ll be an interesting footnote to this little adventure.

Oh, and an update on last week’s article. Unfortunately, it doesn’t seem like I can add a forum to this WordPress site without upgrading it to a business platform, and as much as I want to, I don’t exactly have the extra $17 a month to throw at a side project right now. Not my favorite outcome, but I’m looking at ways around that. Push comes to shove, I can always just use comments on a monthly post as the sounding board or revert back to Facebook. One of these days I would love to make a real site out of this. Proprietary, with all the bells and whistles, a sweet logo, etc. Emphasis on one of these days. For the time being, gotta make due with what I can.

Anyway, that’s all for the week. If you see me around, wish me luck and give me a quick prayer. I’m gonna need it.

Let us cultivate our garden.

Voltaire, Candide

I’d like to revive something I had previously set up. Some of you might recall the 30-Day Projects page that I ran on Facebook. For those of you that don’t, I’ll recap.

The idea was to have people post their plan of something to accomplish over the next 30 days, giving everyone the same start date and seeing what became of it at the end of those 30. It was a very loose idea and, though it went through a couple of iterations before I ended up leaving it in the dust bin, I think there was a good intent and idea behind it. One that I’d like to see polished and put to good use.

Part one of that polish is to give this thing some formalized rules. One of the myriad problems of the original design was that it was too open-ended. People, myself included, ended up treating it like a public accountability to-do list instead of what it was intended to be – a singular, focused target on one true project. Fix the roof. Code a little game. Learn a character’s block strings. Spend an hour a day, every day, writing. Something measurable, something concrete.

Part two of that polish is to give it a home here on ThemeAttic. A page, a name, a public face, a schedule. Invite some friends, family, and strangers to get involved. Let them post updates, make threads for help or accountability, etc.

I’m declaring this here, since I likely won’t have things up and running in time for a true first kickoff – I’ll be doing two of these back to back. My project for October is to get this set up, and my project for November, which I’d like to have people able to do their own during, will be NaNoWriMo. Once things are in motion for the public side it certainly won’t be a monthly thing. Maybe bi-monthly or quarterly, minimum.

Why do I gravitate so hard toward something like this? Well, for those of you that have been following my work, it scratches all the necessary itches. Bettering ourselves by working on something that we desire. Something that’s difficult. Relying on those around us to keep us disciplined and on task with public accountability. The ability to showcase what we’ve done, target accomplished or not. Remember, anything you do to improve leaves you better than you were yesterday, and the only person you should ever compare yourself to is the person you were yesterday.

I want to become a better person, and in my own small way, I want to help you do the same. Let’s lift things up around here, starting with ourselves.

The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing.

Walt Disney

Title’s a bit on the mark from last week’s post, but no, this has nothing to do with that. I’m back to a more inward focus, which seems well overdue given how immensely far behind I am in my self-imposed obligations.

I won’t beat around the bush. It’s bad. Real bad. I went ahead and signed myself up for NaNoWriMo regardless, but as I’m looking at the calendar and realizing I’m already past half-way through September – the half-way point of this Mega Quarter – I can’t help but see the mountain of work that remains. It’s daunting, really.

I’ve probably talked about this already, but I have a very bad history when things get this rough. My first instinct is to just stop – there’s no point trying, I won’t catch up, there simply isn’t enough time, blah blah blah. But that’s bullshit. A cursory glance at the past few weeks is evidence enough of that. I’ve been taking too long after a workout to get to writing. I’ve been wasting my mornings doing essentially nothing. I’ve been watching YouTube during downtime instead of getting something done. There’s a treasure trove of waste.

So, stop it. Stop shirking responsibility, me. Stop taking the lazy way out. This isn’t going to get done by itself, and keeping on this path is going to do nothing but make me feel like garbage. Very little makes me feel as good as accomplishing what I set out to do, so why be hesitant to chase that? Because it’s hard? Yeah, to hell with that. Living right is always hard. Time to go crush this.

No more excuses, and no more self-pity. It’s pathetic.

I’ll see you guys next week, when I’ve got boxes checked in all four deliverable goals for the first time in a month.

I was not born to be forced. I will breathe after my own fashion. Let us see who is the strongest.

Henry David Thoreau, On the Duty of Civil Disobedience

I was in my Sophomore year on my way to Geometry when I first heard the news. I wish I could remember who stopped to tell me about the plane crashing into the first tower, but I don’t. I thought it was… not a joke, per se, but people being ridiculous. It was high school, after all. Then I got to class and watched the smoke billow from our small CRT TV huddled up on its corner of the wall. We got maybe five minutes of that before our teacher turned it off and we took the planned quiz. None of my classes after that talked about it at all. I didn’t realize the extent of what happened until I got home later that day. I don’t think any of us realized what that day would do us moving forward.

Remember all those little, temporary changes made to protect us afterward? Airport overhauls, increased security, information gathering networks, boosts to national security influence and power. They were necessary, remember? We were under attack. There was a clear and present danger. We had to do something. Then, when things were done, we could go back to normal.

Twenty years. Can you turn around and see that normal anymore? What did it look like? All minor changes, right? Minor losses. So we can’t see our loved ones off at the gate anymore. We can’t bring normal sizes of water. Lost an hour or so of time in our day to be sure we get through security. So there are new, overarching agencies that may or may not be checking our communication at all times. So we’ve pour trillions of dollars into making sure everyone is safe and secure.

Feel safe yet?

We’ve had twenty years, have we stopped radicalism yet? Has the world taken one great step toward Utopia? Everyone getting along now, no issues?

Alright, so we haven’t quite been able to bend human nature toward our ideals. No biggie, that stuff happens I guess. It’s hard, I get it. But we can absolutely exterminate a highly contagious virus. Easy peasy.

Just fifteen days to slow the spread. It’s just a mask. It’s just keeping away from one another. It’s just a shot. Just another shot and masking again. Just a third shot. Just an app to track your GPS location and take facial scans to confirm you’re where you’re supposed to be (Thanks, Australia). Just OSHA regulations to pummel any business with the audacity not to force its employees to comply.

I’m sure it’ll stop there. These things always do. The government is just here to help, after all. And hot damn are they great at it, historically.

Look, I say all the time I don’t want to get political, but when my president takes the time approaching the anniversary of 9/11 to tell his country to shut up and comply, I hit my limit.

What the hell is wrong with us? Have we forgotten that we’re going to die someday? Have we forgotten that there are bad things in the world?

But Tom, you say, not getting the vaccine is selfish. People who don’t are endangering people around them. Well, according to the director of the CDC stated that the vaccine won’t prevent infection or spread. It’s pretty obvious that it helps curb side effects, which is great! If that’s something you’re concerned with, by all means, have at it. No one’s stopping you. But if, as the CDC and data continues to say, there’s no real effect on transmission, why do you care who has it or not? Are you trying to tell me all this absurdity is for each individual’s own good?

Alright, I’ll bite. Where do we go from there? Mandating people keep themselves perfectly healthy at all times? Force exercise, ban certain foods, legislate a certain amount of sleep every night? My BMI is a little high right now, that puts me at higher risk of medical issues which would use hospital beds that other people might need. Better nip that in the bud.

I hate anecdotes but whatever, I’m angry so I’ll use one anyway. I personally know people who have dropped off the face of the earth since the pandemic first started. One in particular got vaccinated right away, had contact with people outside of their direct family, kept their children from going to parties, didn’t attend their friend’s wedding, and STILL came down with it recently.

How long will it take to accept that this is just a thing we have now? Is it worse than the flu? Yeah, in most cases. Does it kill people? Of course it does. Let me repeat this one so people in the back can hear it: we all die. Or, as my dad always said when I was growing up, “Life sucks, then you die.” There will be no Utopia on earth. You won’t live forever. You’ll get sick, you’ll get hurt, you’ll fail and suffer. Welcome to the world. The only control you have is how you, yourself, deal with it. The only option is liberty. Stop expecting other people to take care of you, especially the government. They don’t know you. They don’t want to. They want to live like kings. And so far, we’re doing a bang-up job of letting them.

They do not relinquish power. They do not relinquish control. If you learn anything from 9/11, learn that. Once you give it up, it’s theirs. That stuff doesn’t come back without going through dark times. I’d really we rather not go down that route.

So, please, just try to live. Truly live. Remember what that means.

Memento Mori.

When you stop growing you start dying.

William S. Burroughs, Junky

Short post tonight, been a long week.

Last week I put up the “What the hell was I thinking” schedule, and those of you that checked it might have noticed that I had plan to figure out what else to do on this site. I’ve made no secret that the point of this at the onset was to allow myself to get past the fear of being read and hyper-focus on editing, and I think by now I can allow myself the grace to say I’ve accomplished that goal. Primarily focusing on broader philosophical topics also tends to run out of juice rather quickly – when you boil things down to their essences, it turns out a lot of topics have the same roots.

So, now that I’ve claimed victory in the initial cause, where does that lead me? Well, I don’t want to back away from the site. I thought that might happen once I got over things, but now I’ve come to understand its importance for building a bit of a following to help find agents. Which means I need to do just that. And that is where I’ll be focusing.

I’m still batting around ideas, but on the short list are:

  • Continuing the weekly article, but expanding the topics to include reviews of things I’m reading, watching, or playing.
  • Starting a choose-your-own-adventure community-led web series.
  • Restarting the 30-Day Projects group I once ran on Facebook, but centralizing it here.
  • Setting up a forum for general discussion (And for use in the above point)
  • Adding better structure, categorization, and layout to the site in general.

Each of these are near and dear to me, but some are clearly more effort than others. With everything going on over the next few months I expect a very small amount of this peek its head out before the end of the year, but I’ll be trying regardless. When things are on the move, you’ll be the first to know.

That’s all for this week. Hope you all are living your best lives. Keep bettering yourselves.

Never confuse a single defeat with a final defeat.

F. Scott Fitzgerald

In the closing paragraph of my post on rationalization, I mentioned that I was coming up on a few months of extreme workload. Now that I’m here for the one month recap, I realize I never actually got into what that meant, so I guess I should start there.

The post header image was my planned schedule for August (starting a week late, unfortunately) through the end of October. At a glance it’s just words, so let me give you a quick breakdown of why I set this up to begin with and what the timing looks like for each of these things.

First thing’s first – Why? Well, arbitrary or not, the reason is simple. I want to participate in NaNoWriMo for the first time this year. In order for me to be successful in it, I’ll need to have everything most everything else writing related off my plate and have the plan for that project ready to go by Nov 1. If you’ve never heard of NaNoWriMo, I’ll be doing a post on that closer to the start, but the gist of it is that it’s a challenge to write 50,000 words during the month of November.

Now for the what. Currently, my writing is broken up into four categories.

One, this site. For the time being, that’s just this weekly post, which has been a nice break in the craziness of everything else. Though, if you look further down the line, it does involve planning and implementing some new features and updates to make this more than what it is, which is a necessity if I want to build an audience to help sell myself to publishers. On average, this amounts to about an hour a week. Easy-peasy.

Two, planning for the NaNoWriMo project. My plan in November is to get the first 50,000 word of my new novel, Catalyst, on paper. I’ve discussed that book a lot in the past – it’s the one that got me started writing way back in the day – and I want to do it for real this time. But, setting up a high fantasy series requires a lot of work, and I’m only in the first phase of that work. Character interviews are something I’ve never done before – hell, I’ve never really outlined – but I’ve really been enjoying these. There are so many questions that lead into concepts I wouldn’t consider until much later in the process, it’s helping me with all sorts of plot and world building. These typically run about three hours a week, but I expect the later weeks once I’m past interviews to take longer.

Three, contract writing. If I’m being frank, this is both the most important work on the list and the most challenging. Building a world under the vision of someone else is tough, and brining out that vision through ONLY dialog is heavily counter to my normal style. Regardless, this is paid work with someone’s direct approval in mind – difficult or not, this one demands completion in the allotted time. As for the time it takes, well… a bio tends to run about fifteen minutes, same as the intro/description for the area. A zone runs nearly an hour. So, this averages out to roughly twelve hours a week, which will be lessened considerably in the lore / feedback / artifacts weeks.

Lastly, this major edit pass on Residuum, my current novel. The goal here is to smooth out the rough edges and work out narrative hiccups so that it’s ready for other people to read and give feedback on while I’m distracted with NaNoWriMo. That way I can have a month’s worth of feedback to review starting in December in preparation for polish and hunting agents or, most likely, setting another round of external feedback. This one is the hardest to estimate, since the amount of effort on each chapter varies wildly. Sometimes things are basically fine and I end up just reading the chapter through with minor tweaks, while other times I’m doing almost a full rewrite. To keep it simple, I’ll average about three hours a chapter.

So, what’s that total? Well, a “standard” week of two chapters, an interview, an area, and an article amounts to roughly twenty-two hours of writing. That’s not taking into consideration the four different mindsets I need to be in for each project. Plop that on top of a job and a family, and you’ll see my issue.

With all that out of the way, one month in, how am I doing?

I’ll start by saying I had pretty low expectations of myself. This is a daunting marathon, and my reaction to the stress of having to dig out after falling behind has been that I can’t bring myself to start again, which only makes things worse. Thankfully I seem to have grown past that, since I’m absolutely behind right now.

My weeks end on Sunday for this tracking, so as of writing this I’ve still got the rest of today and tomorrow, but I’m still needing to edit chapter 18 (current week goal) and finish six zones and four bios for area seven (last week’s goal) before I can even begin on this week’s goal for the contract. That’s… three, ten, twenty-two hours of work to catch up where I’m scheduled to be. Not exactly on course.

That said, I did over-plan the lore weeks – that can likely be done in one – so if I shift over I’m only ten hours behind. I can probably get that done before Monday, and maybe even make a little headway for the next week.

An uphill climb, certainly, but one I’m committed to finishing. Full steam ahead. I’ll see you all at the finish line.

I had not intended to love him; the reader knows I had wrought hard to extirpate from my soul the germs of love there detected; and now, at the first renewed view of him, they spontaneously revived, great and strong! He made me love him without looking at me.

Charlotte Brontë, Jane Eyre

This week has been busy as all hell, so when I say I didn’t intend to write this article, trust that. I was planning to make a bit of a throwaway post about how my one-hour-a-day Beeminder goal has been absolutely blown out of the water due to everything I have to do (I’m 12 days above the threshold right now), but every now and then something comes along that you just can’t ignore.

Living on the internet brings me to all sorts of weird places. Its fun in that those places can spur ideas or conversations, but it can also lead to a warped view of society and give people an easy means to feed into their worst natures. Look no further than Twitter or, in the spirit of this post, OnlyFans.

Again, this is going to be a bit of a weird one. Most of the time I have my position down and am just rambling about it. Now I get to ramble about something I haven’t quite figured out. I’ve seen a lot of talk about OnlyFans dropping its explicit content and the people rushing to argue both sides of the change. Being a happily married Catholic with three kids, let’s just say this place isn’t my wheelhouse and I’ve mostly ignored it until I read some of the discussion around it. I’m not about to come down on either side of the morality of the place – you can guess that, and it’s irrelevant to this topic. What got me, what really brought this post on, were the income numbers.

Did you know there are women on OnlyFans who are making literal millions a month? Hell of a career, but where’s that money coming from? Well, it’s from people who are desperate to feel wanted by someone they find attractive. There’s a term for these people – simps – and the more I fell down that rabbit hole the more depressed I got. It strikes me as an incredibly sad state of being and, as a friend of mine said when I started talking to him about it, they’re more or less Incels that have yet to lose all hope.

Now, ok, that’s another tangent I don’t want to fall down. Not here to call people out or lay blame. What I’m here for, five paragraphs in, is to discuss attraction. You see, this whole thing got me thinking – is our understanding of one another so off kilter that we can’t see how parasitic, dehumanizing, and backward this whole interaction is? Men who have given up on real women to pay for easy attention. Women who have given up on real relationships for easy riches. Is that what we’re about now? Everything being easy and sterile?

There’s so much bemoaning online about the difficulty of attraction. And, sure, it might be a challenge, but why do we expect it not to be? This is another person’s attention we’re trying to capture. People are never easy. Not when they’re real. That’s part of what makes it great – the constant need to improve to keep things vibrant.

I’ve asked a few people since this came into mind, and I’ll ask all of you as well – how attractive do you find effort?

When this idea jumped at me, I immediately thought that was the answer. Effort is the key factor of attraction. Statistically, women are most attracted to men who are successful in their industry or have achieved stability, which is an outcome of focused effort. Also statistically, men are most attracted to women who put a great deal of effort into their appearance. Look, I don’t make the studies. In either case, both are clear outcomes of effort. Beyond that, for me personally, I’ve always found the high degree of skill in a craft that comes from effort to be attractive. Musicians, artists, athletes – the dedication and focus that it takes to excel in these fields always got me. A few of my closest friends agreed, but one brought up a great point.

Sure, effort is great, but people who put eight hours a day into competitive gaming aren’t exactly lining up the ladies. And, he’s right. Even when that IS their job, and they make good money from it, there’s a barrier there. Which got me thinking, maybe it’s status that’s attractive? In order for a woman to maintain a certain degree of physical appearance, she has to be in a favorable situation that grants her the time to do that. Women back in medieval fiefdoms weren’t exactly tending to their eyeliner. And, at the time, it seems there was a penchant for favoring slightly more… let’s go with voluptuous women than the types we seem to favor now. And that was certainly a case of status – the only women that looked like that were royalty and could afford to lounge about and eat. On the opposite end, men’s place in industry and level of stability are obvious status checks. Celebrity, also, is a great status indicator and that seems to bring a lot of attraction.

This friend gave me what he termed the “Meaningfulness Index,” and in a fit of pure nerd I had to put it in here. Effort Diminishing Returns * Social Acceptance * Quality of Life Value. That, he said, is how we determine whether something hits the mark of attraction for effort. Put an hour a day into working out? That’s a fairly small amount of time, so it avoids diminishing returns. Keeping fit is certainly highly socially acceptable, and it improves one’s own quality of life, so that hour is a great value to attraction.

FULL ON nerd stuff. I love it.

How in the hell does this all link together? Glad you asked, you single individual who made it this far into my absurd rambling. While there are certainly other factors to it, if you’re having trouble going out and finding a partner, take a minute to think about what it is you’re doing with your life. What do you spend time on? What do you put effort into? Is it something that your ideal partner would find compelling? If it isn’t, do something else. Stop complaining you can’t find someone and become the person they want to find. We’ve been fed a lot of “everyone has to accept you for who you are,” and while that’s a great idea in abstract, truth is they won’t. They don’t. You have an ideal, so do they. Simple as. Stop simping, put your money into a socially valuable hobby, invest it, get a gym membership, whatever. Better yourself. You’ll feel better, and I don’t care who you are, someone who looks like they’re at a good place in their life is always going pull attention.

TLDR; get a hobby, git gud.

The search for a scapegoat is the easiest of all hunting expeditions.

Dwight D. Eisenhower

This article was one of the first I wanted to make back when I started this whole thing, but it never felt like the right time. Every week there was something more relevant or too far disjointed for a good lead in. Last week’s post about not making excuses for your own failures ended up being a perfect lead-in, so here we are. Time to hit on the opposite end of the spectrum. Something I feel is far more pernicious. And prevalent.

I was first introduced to the term Locus of Control in my high school economics class. For those unfamiliar with the concept, it’s essentially the degree to which you believe you control the outcome of your decisions versus external forces. In the former case, you have an internal locus. In the latter, an external. It’s a simple concept, but I latched onto it immediately. I couldn’t believe how much it explained. Economics, philosophy, politics – so many things, when boiled down to an individual level, revolve around this single idea.

If you’ve been reading any of my other posts, it should come as no surprise that I value a strong internal locus. My last article was a prime example of that, but you can look back at basically any of them and find the same philosophy. My reasons why are straight forward – the only person you can control is yourself. You can influence others, sure, and be influenced by them, but not controlled. Never controlled. In the end, the decision is always yours.

But enough about that, I’ve talked about it enough for now and I’m sure there will be more to come. Let’s talk external.

Everyone knows a person who leans heavily into external locus. They were late because of traffic. They missed a deadline because someone else used up their time. They can’t get ahead because leadership has it out for them.

Now, I loathe external locus, but I want to make this clear. None of those things are inherently bad excuses. We’ve probably all experienced them, or something like them, several times in our lives. The thing happening isn’t the issue, it’s how we, as a people, respond. Because these excuses will always exist and, worse, they’re easy. External locus shifts blame onto things over which we have no control. People are shitty drivers, leaving for work a few minutes earlier won’t help. Clients are too demanding, working on my time management will just leave me further behind. “The Man” keeps me in place, no amount of self-improvement can get me ahead. It allows us to be lazy. To give up on ourselves.

And, like everything else, external locus gains power over time. You become better at what you practice, and that’s no less true for casting blame. Before long, every minor hiccup is someone or something else’s fault. Then, everything is everyone’s fault. The System, and anything that’s part of it, is culpable. And, really, where the hell do you go from there? What good can possible come from it? Ruin one system and replace it with another, do you think that will cause the people with an external focus to suddenly develop an internal one? No, something else will become the victimizer and need to be destroyed.

I’m a broken record on this, I know, but it all comes down to the individual. Every time you find yourself reaching for something else to blame, ask yourself what you could have done to change the outcome. Did you practice hard enough? Did you devote enough time? Could you have done more? If you’re honest with yourself, I think you’ll find the answer to that last question is always yes.

Unpopular opinion (I’ve got a lot of ’em) – there’s nothing wrong with being disappointed in yourself. Humans fail. We aren’t perfect and never will be, and despite that we want everything. We’re bound to miss the mark, bound to feel we’re not good enough, and that’s fine. Natural. Don’t be afraid of that disappointment. Accept it, learn from it, and move on. That’s how we grow.