Scared. Yes. Of course you are, he thought. Only the ones just starting out – the kids – aren’t scared. The years go by and the words on the page don’t get any darker… but the white space sure does get whiter. Scared? You’d be crazier than you are if you weren’t.
Stephen King, The Dark Half
There are certain natures within ourselves that it’s perfectly reasonable – responsible, even – to fight. I’ve made God-knows how many articles about just those things. On the other hand, there are plenty of those same things where it’s acceptable, maybe even wise, to just accept them and lean into them in the least harmful ways possible.
For instance, the fact that, when I sit down to figure out my plans for the near future, I end up with 6 different writing projects, 4 woodworking projects, home reno plans, and any number of fill-in-the-blank more dumb garbage that I pretend I have time to tackle.
Do I know I set myself up for failure this way? Absolutely.
Have I tried to change it? You bet.
Has any of that had any effect. Not even a little. There was a time I’d beat myself up for that (a recent time, in fact) but, you know what? To hell with it. Is what it is at this point. All I can do is manage my expectations of those things and do my best not to let my failures bother me. Especially when I’m actively creating them.
And, honestly? That seems to be going alright. I wasn’t lying when I said I had 6 writing projects. I’ve been bouncing back and forth between the lot of them this month to try and get my bearings and have done an acceptable job at it. One of them – my outline for Catalyst – I “finished” reviewing to a point where I’m comfortable saying I should leave it alone for the next few months while I get the other projects in order. It’s better to butt that outline right up to the actual writing, so why bother spending a bunch of time on the outline now and then shelving the work for months? This sort of thing is something my brain naturally accepts and lets me get away with. That story isn’t crowding up any space anymore. Nailed it.
Next on the list is some basic outlining for a few short stories I have concepts for, and then pedal to the metal on Residuum. Just plucking some stray thoughts from the brain to clear space for the real work. As the title says, no going back. Only progress from now on. We’re getting there.
Speaking of getting there – I have a short story I wrote that’s in need of some readers. It’s not my usual fare and I’m not sure how I feel about it. Well, that’s not true, I like it well enough, but it was a weird one. Definitely feel the need for people to tell me all the ways its garbage. Let me know if you’ve got the time – it’s about 5700 words.
Thanks for sticking around, Dwellers. Until next week.
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