Don’t let your dreams be dreams. Yesterday, you said tomorrow. So just… do it!
Shia LaBeouf
It’s amazing what one extra day can do.
May has been… a hell of a month. Personally, professionally… some other -lly’s I can’t think of right now. The details are mostly irrelevant, but suffice it to say the candle has definitely been burning on both ends and I’ve been feeling it. So, with one extra day of padding on my weekend, I thought it would be a good idea to take a quick inventory. Look back at my goals, assess things, try to come up with some plans. You know, the usual. And boy, let me tell you, it’s a mess.
Wherever you are right now, take a minute. Stop reading, close your eyes, and just try and brainstorm somethings you think I might have wanted to do. Got it? Good. Before you say anything, don’t worry – it’s not getting done. I could go back and pull up my old goals to put back in this article just to prove that to you, but for the sake of my sanity I won’t. If there’s one silver lining, it’s that I’ve at least had the wherewithal to put my focus on work which has, it seems, started to pay off in digging me out of the hole I found myself in after a co-worker left.
But, on that point, work has been draining to the point where I can’t really put my brain on anything useful when I’m done. I get back and become a vegetable, just zoning out to the modern content farm. Probably a very relatable story, but I haven’t given into it in a long time and I’m really beating myself up about it. I hate wasting time like this, especially when I know there’s so much I want to do. I’m falling victim to the idea that these things can just happen, that simply wanting them for myself is enough and life will just eventually pan out the way I want. It doesn’t work that way. I know it doesn’t. And yet, here I’ve been sitting, ignoring the effort needed.
So, I take this opportunity to ask myself – do I really want these things, or are they just daydreams? Am I just infatuated with the idea of being an author, expecting that novels are just going to find their way on a page without the needed blood, sweat, and tears on my part? Do I think I’m going to lose the weight I want while not doing anything about what I eat and giving in to my tendency to stress / boredom eating? What makes me think I or my family is going to grow deeper in our faith if I’m ignoring my prayer time and having my education on the background, barely paying attention to it? How am I going to hold my own in FGC competitions if I’m not training?
Time. Effort. Intentionality. Discipline. I’m lacking all these things, especially now. I’ve lost the plot, let it get away from me, and I need to drag it back, kicking and screaming, to where it belongs. There’s one month left to close out the first half of the year. I want the ship righted by then. Not perfect, no – it never will be – but charting the right course. I’ve had my destinations picked out for so long they started to get hazy. I assumed I was on course when I’d let it all drift.
You’ve all heard this tune before, and I’m sorry about that, but I guess I need a kick in the butt every once in a while. Only human, I suppose. I’ll be in a better mood next week. Promise. I’ll be paddling again. Closer, every day. It’s the only thing I can do.
Let’s be honest. This thing is just too good. Nothing else needs to be said.
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