Themeattics

But it’s hard for a man to give up all his pleasures, even when they don’t pleasure him no more.

Stephen King / Richard Bachman, Thinner

Short post as I’ve been out most of the weekend and the time I did have it seems I used poorly. Story of my life, really, but a good motivator to look back at a topic I’ve visited before, and one that just so happens to coincide with the last post.

I want to do too much. To be good – no, more than just good – at far, far too many things. I want to be worthy of the love my Creator. I want to raise my children to be better than I am in every sense of the word. I want to be an author. I want to design games and systems. I want to learn to play the cello, compete and win in trivial games, have lasting and meaningful friendships.

The list could go on ad-infinitum, and while I know on a logical level that this is all too much, that there’s simply not enough time in the day, I can’t seem to let any of these dreams go. I understand that for each one I keep, the chance any of them sees realization becomes that much more improbable, but I don’t seem to have the discipline or realism to accept that fact. Worst of all, the prolonged doldrums this causes makes me frustrated and pushes everything back further. Extreme Sisyphus syndrome. Feels like I need to recruit some people to slap me around any time I get off-task of the big-ticket items. In fact, I should probably recruit the missus for just that. I’m sure she’d oblige.

I know I just put up those 11 goals last post, and I have no intention of hitting the breaks on any of them (In fact, some are done), but I think it’s a good time to start thinning things out. I’ve gone on too long letting myself be blown about in the whims of fancy, chasing dreams in the most roundabout way possible. Can’t cross the finish line if I keep changing the track. Things need to get cut. Focused. Thinner.

And before you say it, yes, I know. Pretty words. They don’t mean shit without results. I’m with you there. Frustration is borne from treading water, and I’ve grown weary of the headaches that come with getting nowhere. I want to feel progress again. Accomplishment. All that comes with making better use of the time I do have. Earning what little bits of pure entertainment I have instead of running to them and away from difficulties.

So, once again, here’s to the close of the year. May we all find it and chart a clear course. I plan its eulogy to be grand.