Themeattics

The only thing standing between you and your goal is the bullshit story you keep telling yourself as to why you can’t achieve it.

Jordan Belfort

I was recently in Las Vegas to celebrate a good friend’s wedding. It was a fun, busy time and really good to catch up with the guy in person after so many years. Vegas, it turns out – shock, horror – is an easy place to break any and all routines or disciplines you have going on. Who would have thought Sin City has a vice to pull against every virtue?

Now, me being boring, this amounted to one main thing. I’ve been watching what I eat for a while now. I’m trying to get into better shape and lose weight. Real straight forward. And let me tell you – Vegas food is great. So the missus and I took advantage of our days there and went at it. We were on vacation, after all, and everyone knows calories don’t count on vacation. I even worked out while I was there! Once. On the program I’m on, should have been three times, but at least it’s something, right? Why only that once? Well, I was tired. Went to bed pretty late every night and I couldn’t sleep in, so I got up early and… really just kind of sat around on the phone. Probably should have used that time to write, but, well, consider that another casualty.

But, hey, then the good times ended and we left for home. Back to the normal life, to the routine. Except for that box of donuts the boss brought in Monday. I’d been avoiding those the past month or so, but I’d just come back from being pretty unhealthy so what was one other thing? I got back on my exercise routine that night and hurt my foot, so I had to stop doing anything involving footwork/cardio. Naturally that meant I just took a few days off instead of focusing on upper body. To help heal, obviously. And I did start going to bed closer to my usual time. Still not as early as before, and I’m certainly needing to wake up earlier than when I was there. It’s just an hour or so less sleep than typical. As for that morning writing I had started to help utilize my time? Well, not so much this week. Other things to do, like play a mobile game or watch some YouTube.

It was fine. All of it was fine. Not ideal, but I’d fix it tomorrow. I needed the time, the distraction, the dopamine hit, the instant gratification.

Here I am, a week out, looking back at the shambles caused by letting one thing slip.

Now, before you get defensive, I get it. My experience isn’t everyone’s. I have notoriously bad discipline, which is why I try so hard not to step out of my bounds. I’m an addict at heart, so I’ve avoided a lot of things with that in mind. Your mileage may vary. Still, I couldn’t let the lesson slip. Us humans are remarkably proficient at making excuses. It’s just a donut. I’ve already broken my diet, what’s another? Yesterday I was totally off the wagon and didn’t gain any weight, why bother today? Failing that didn’t hurt yet, why am I bothering with this?

On and on, the rationalization carousel goes. There’s no stopping the ride, you just have the make the conscious decision to jump off it mid-motion. It sucks, it forces you to look back and realize you’ve been screwing up, allowing yourself to give in to base instincts, but sometimes that’s exactly what we need. A reminder of what we become when discipline fades – pleasure seeking drones that have little to no impact on the world around us and certainly get us no closer to our purpose of choosing the Good.

I’m coming off harsh in this one and I apologize, it’s mostly targeted at myself. I did a goal review yesterday and suffice it to say it wasn’t great. I have an almost insurmountable amount of work ahead of me if I plan to meet deadlines, which I do. If I’m going to be successful, I’ll need to rely on discipline and continue to pray for that strength. You sending a few prayers wouldn’t hurt either. The next few months are going to be something else.